Our family vacation turned out to be pretty great once we all got over the initial shock of the cabin conditions. We enjoyed a gorgeous view of the lake and a personal fireworks show on the beach, a warm pool to wade in, and a quaint shopping strip just ten minutes away. My husband adores his family to pieces--he's the happiest and most relaxed when he's playing games with his brothers while his parents and the kids are milling around. Family is the end all and be all to Jeff.
The only downside of my weekend was calling my own family back in Hawaii to check in with life. I'm missing out on so many important moments. My grandmother's health is failing and I feel like I should really be there to offer support; my parents are celebrating holidays and birthdays without me in the loop; and I feel distant from my siblings because I'm not an active part of their lives.
It's hard for me to swallow giving up the people I most love and cherish so that my husband can enjoy lots of time with his kids. It's hard to be around intact families and not feel a pang of jealousy that my own family will always be divided. I didn't even realize how much I wanted an intact family of my own until I got married! But that will never be my reality. I'll always wonder "What if"...I had made different choices, how life would've panned out. But then I have moments when I look at my incredibly sweet husband who gives the best hugs in the world and loves me more than I'll ever understand...and all the work and sacrifice of making this blended family work feels worthwhile.
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